Relationship vs. Entanglement: How to Know the Difference and Why It Matters

Today, we’re going to explore a topic I get asked about a lot: what’s the difference between a relationship and an entanglement? Trust me, knowing the basics can save you a lot of heartache and time. 

What exactly is an entanglement?

Entanglements are a common sight, especially in today’s fast-paced dating world, where definitions are often blurry. But in general terms, entanglement is a romantic or sexual involvement with no defined goal or commitment between two. It’s often spontaneous and lacks long-term planning. 

Here’s an entanglement checklist:

• No talk about the future. If you see that conversations about the future are brief or simply non-existent, you might be in an entanglement. 
• One-sided effort. If it feels like you’re the only one reaching out, planning dates, or trying to make things work, it’s a clear sign you’re in an entanglement.
• Minimal emotional depth. While you may still share fun times and laughs together, deep emotional conversations are rare or shallow.
• Ambiguity or secrecy. Whether it’s not knowing if you’re the only one or having undefined relationship boundaries, ambiguity is often a hallmark.
• Inconsistency. One day, you’re chatting non-stop; the next, ghost town. And these ups and downs can be a big red flag.
• Feeling stuck. An important sign that you are in an entanglement is if you feel stuck. Sad, but despite spending time together, you’ll see no growth or potential for development in the relationship.

But that’s not the worst thing that could happen. 

The emotional tortures

Entanglements can be emotionally draining, and indeed they are. You’re giving your time, emotions, and sometimes even financial resources, but what are you getting back? Nothing. An entanglement can often leave one person feeling unsatisfied and emotionally drained in the end, so getting into it is a one-way ticket.

And a relationship? What’s that like?

The real relationship is more than just regular dates and cute selfies; it’s a partnership built on mutual respect, love, and commitment. 

Here are some features that distinguish a relationship from an entanglement:

• Future planning. When you’re in a relationship, all these talks about the future come naturally and peacefully. No mind games here. You openly discuss plans, share feelings, and work together to achieve goals.
• Balanced work. The relationship is a two-way street. Both partners are active in maintaining healthy communication and initiating plans.
• Emotional support. You’re each other’s biggest supporter. And when things are getting tough, you can be sure your partner is always there to help you.
• Clarity and transparency. There are defined boundaries and commitments between you two. And you both know what place you occupy in each other’s lives.
• Consistency. Your partner’s attention and care are consistent. So you don’t have to worry all the time about when and what you’ll hear from them next.

All this creates a solid basis for the relationship to flourish and for the two individuals to grow.

Why relationships matter

Real relationships offer emotional safety and a place where you help each other become the best versions of yourselves. So it’s natural that in a relationship, you get out as much as you put in, and both partners are invested in each other’s happiness.

Why regular dating advice doesn’t always help entanglements

Here’s a hard truth: relationship advice is ineffective for entanglements. Why? Because the basic foundation of a relationship and an entanglement are entirely different. 

A healthy relationship pattern is built on mutual respect and equal give-and-take. An entanglement, on the other hand, is more one-sided. So, the solutions that often work for relationship issues aren’t gonna work for entanglements.

What should you do if you’re stuck in an entanglement?

Okay, so you’ve realized that you’re stuck in an entanglement, and you’re not really excited about it. From my expertise, you have only two options in this case. Let’s review them in detail. 

Option 1: Try to talk

1. Pick the right time and setting. Choose a quiet moment when both of you have time to chat. No distractions, no stress.
2. Be direct but respectful: Use ‘I’ statements first. Say things like, ‘I feel like I’m more invested in this than you are,’ instead of simply blaming them like ”You never commit.’
3. Lay your cards on the table. Be clear about what you want. Do you want more? Say it, period.
4. Ask for their opinion. And always listen to what they have to say. Be ready for any response, even if it’s not what you hope to hear.
5. Set a concrete deadline. If you both agree to try and change, set a time frame for when these changes should happen.

Now, let’s get to the second option. 

Option 2: Move on

1. Assess your needs. Think about what you truly want and need in a relationship. And is it really possible to receive all this in an entanglement?
2. Seek advice, but decide for yourself. It’s always a good idea to talk to a friend, but always remember, you’re the one who’s in this situation. The final choice should be yours.
3. Plan your exit. If you decide to move on, figure out how you wanna end things. Will it be a personal conversation or a text? Be firm on this, okay?
4. No-contact rule. For me personally, it’s always the hardest part. But after you’ve split, avoid contact for a while. It makes moving on easier.
5. Focus on yourself. Once it’s over, take some time to take care of yourself. Do things that make you happy and help you find inner peace.

Alternatively, after having ‘Option 1,’ you both might agree to continue with a real relationship but with a better understanding of each other. And that’s totally fine, as long as you’re both into that.

Final thoughts

Understanding whether you’re in a relationship or entanglement is paramount before applying any advice you read or hear, even from me. The goal is to achieve a harmonious, mutually fulfilling relationship, and you can’t do that if one foot is stuck in the entanglement mud.

Remember, you deserve someone who chooses to dance the dance of life with you — not someone who stands still while you exhaust yourself dancing around them.

Take care, guys!

Brian Whelan